Unbounded Randomness

Day 90 or may be 91: Never mind, I have forgotten the count. It was one of those days in the Lock-down, when I had finished cooking, cleaning and was now sitting at my favorite place in the bedroom, wondering what do I do next? Few options slid through my mind, Netflix? YouTube? talking to someone on phone? Playing with my son?........and the list kept going….. I could not settle with any option. All of them had been overused in the past couple of months with no resort to my heart. No matter the option, I always felt restless in the end. And then of course there were other things to worry about like, what’s the count of Corona patients in the world, in our country and in our neighbourhood? What new rules are in place? Who got infected and how? What precautions should or should not be taken? What to eat and how to eat? Medicines? And then inadvertently, I felt I was actually feeling a little sick. May be I had throat pain, did I feel a bit hot? should I check my temperature?. Or

There was a time when I used to wonder, if I am alone in this world or there is something more to this life? I kept feeling out of place, the odd one out as I wondered why everyone is so disconnected. Why is everyone cocooned up in their own shells? Why no one feels the beauty and the magic surrounding them? Why everyone is trying to conquer the other? But now, I do not wonder about this anymore. I know that this was all part of the game. A necessary experience to see, to value the oneness, connection and love that is available to all. Now, I know that light is only appreciated around darkness and heroes are only born in the presence of villains. Both are equally important for the balance. But only when one side becomes heavy, the realization of these duel forces and the ability to choose is realized within all of us. And that is what is happening. We, the human species hold both good and the bad; the right and the wrong within us. When our collective consciousness shifts toward

So when my friend asked me, “But how do you go beyond this?” I stopped and realised that I had never tried to articulate what was it exactly that was helping me to go beyond my mind conditioning. Suddenly a casual conversation with my friend became a point of realisation of the truth. We were talking about one of the biggest and most common conditioning of a human mind: ‘You are not good enough and so you must earn an approval from someone/something outside of you’. This conditioning manifests in various life situations for everyone. For some in abusive relationships, for some in repetitive challenges in job, multiple partner relationships with none being satisfactory, constant feeling of dis-satisfaction of one’s life, giving in to addictions,   Jealousy and instant hurt on other’s feedback, Not knowing clear directions for self-growth, people pleasing attitudes, self-sabotaging behaviours and the list goes on. You get the point! The belief is so deep rooted inside our co

The grownups always ask this question, ‘What you want to be, when you grow up? Despite the fact that they themselves haven’t found the answer yet. But I really wish I knew then what it is that I wanted to do or be. This question has haunted me for years. Right through my selection of college, subjects, interviews, jobs, countries and then leaving all of that behind and coming back to nothing but just this single question, ‘What do I want to be? ‘ It all boils down to this in the end.   I must have asked this question a million times to myself, to others , to books, to videos, to mentors, teachers ……and everyone sent me back empty handed as they said the answer lied within me. If the answer lies within me, why doesn’t it show up as clear as day sky? Why does it hide, why does it play games? Why does it behave like some sort of magical power that you must earn? I remember back in the day when I was a little girl, I knew I had no big ambitions to become successful or rich or