Unbounded Randomness

Day 90 or may be 91: Never mind, I have forgotten the count. It was one of those days in the Lock-down, when I had finished cooking, cleaning and was now sitting at my favorite place in the bedroom, wondering what do I do next? Few options slid through my mind, Netflix? YouTube? talking to someone on phone? Playing with my son?........and the list kept going….. I could not settle with any option. All of them had been overused in the past couple of months with no resort to my heart. No matter the option, I always felt restless in the end. And then of course there were other things to worry about like, what’s the count of Corona patients in the world, in our country and in our neighbourhood? What new rules are in place? Who got infected and how? What precautions should or should not be taken? What to eat and how to eat? Medicines? And then inadvertently, I felt I was actually feeling a little sick. May be I had throat pain, did I feel a bit hot? should I check my temperature?. Or...

So when my friend asked me, “But how do you go beyond this?” I stopped and realised that I had never tried to articulate what was it exactly that was helping me to go beyond my mind conditioning. Suddenly a casual conversation with my friend became a point of realisation of the truth. We were talking about one of the biggest and most common conditioning of a human mind: ‘You are not good enough and so you must earn an approval from someone/something outside of you’. This conditioning manifests in various life situations for everyone. For some in abusive relationships, for some in repetitive challenges in job, multiple partner relationships with none being satisfactory, constant feeling of dis-satisfaction of one’s life, giving in to addictions,   Jealousy and instant hurt on other’s feedback, Not knowing clear directions for self-growth, people pleasing attitudes, self-sabotaging behaviours and the list goes on. You get the point! The belief is so deep rooted inside ou...