Fear of the non-existent

“I am sooooo stressed, I can’t even eat”, said a young friend of mine, who looked perfectly healthy to me.

“But what’s the problem, Shruti?” I asked her.

“My results are going to be out tomorrow” she blurted as she trembled by the thought.

“So? What’s the problem?” I asked her again, still perplexed.

“What’s the problem?? Don’t you get it? That IS the problem. I have no idea what is going to happen.”

“That’s good then. If you have no idea about what is going to happen, it is just like any other day of your life. What are you worrying about?”

“C’mon girl. The results could be totally bad and then everyone is going to think that I am dumb. Mom Dad will be upset with me, especially dad as he has very high expectation of me.  And don’t even get me started on, Pinky aunty”

“Who is Pinky aunty?” I was now confused about what the real problem was. Pinky aunty or the results?

“My neighbour yaar. She is a bitch. She will announce the results to the whole society. Her son is doing MBA in USA , so she thinks she has a right to show everyone else down.”

“Okay Shruti, relax” I took a deep breath. “Do you know the results yet?”

“No”

“Do you know for sure that they are going to be bad?”

“umm, no” she hesitated.

“Do you know then that your mom dad and supposedly Pinky Aunty are going to be upset, for sure?”

“Well, if you put it that way, no.”

“So, do you agree that this is purely your imagination at this moment of time?”

“No, it’s not. It will very much be the reality soon and I don’t know what I will do. Please you have got to help me.” she was literally jumping on her seat and about to cry.

“You go and eat your dinner first. Relieve your mom of your tensions. Go to sleep like you always do. And yes, do not think about something that hasn’t happened yet. It’s called Madness. Be in the present moment, the reality. We will see what happens after the results tomorrow.” I almost shouted at her. I could not understand, how someone could be so tensed even before the results are out.

She made a face at me and said, “I know what you are trying to say but I really am nervous. I just can’t seem to calm myself down. I think I might be having fever or something”

I then checked her forehead and she was actually running hot.

That night when I came home from her house, I was in a deep awe of our mind and its effect on us. Shruti was so tensed about her upcoming results that her mind made her loose her appetite and eventually made her sick, unable to move. And all this happened just because of a thought that arose in the same mind. A thought that started with ‘What might happen in my results tomorrow?’ and weaved a big giant story of all the negative possibilities, attached deep emotions to it and declared it as a situation of crisis.

No matter how I much I told her to not think about it , it was impossible for her to let it go, as she was deeply stuck into the net of her own thoughts.

I then dwelled into this way of thinking and realised that most of us are actually always in this non-existent future. Always worried about something that should not happen or something that should happen. The moment you stop living in the future, life becomes easier and happier. However, there seems to some compulsion within us to always think about future or the past. Neither of them are reality. But their fears haunt us in reality, destroying the happiness of the present moment.

The most interesting thing happened when, next day her results were out. We went together to see the results and the girl had scored above average marks, good enough to get her started at some job. I was relieved. Relieved that her tensions were finally over and she would be out of her nets by this event, if not by herself.

When I looked at her pale face, I knew that I was wrong.

She was in tears, “Oh no, I only got 85%, I am never going to get my dream job now”

I rolled my eyes and laughed my heart out.